Screwed.edu
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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