So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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