Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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