she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
