So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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