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you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i think i just lost a toe
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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