a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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