Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Who died my cat blue again?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
