i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize