Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
