What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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