don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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