Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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