thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
