There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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