Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
