I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
