you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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