At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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