Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
