goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
