I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
