So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
