i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
