couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize