I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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