She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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