She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
