Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
