he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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