I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
