He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
