Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you will always have a special place in my vag
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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