Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
