My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
