Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
