I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize