we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
