I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
