Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
