my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
