I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
