I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She's not a foreskin expert like you
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
