There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
