you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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