i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
