Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
