just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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