Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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