I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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