I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
