Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
