You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
