Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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