she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
