my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
