yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
