Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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