I'm pants shitting drunk right now
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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