I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
