god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My dick has a subreddit
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
