You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
