that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
