I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
