he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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