This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
