Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
