so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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