dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
