I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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