Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
