in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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