I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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