you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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