eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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