I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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