if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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