Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I cut my penus on the lid.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
