It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize