U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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